I've learned to tune it out.
My Grandfather passed away on the 8th. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and the saddest I have ever been. He was like a father to me, he WAS a father to me. I never went a day without him in my life, and he was there when my dad was sick in the hospital. He was there even when dad was here, because he lived with me my whole entire life.
I feel like such a baby right now, and not like in a "whiny baby" kind of way, just, I feel young.
My crotch is on fire about...oh 95% of my day. I quit my job - why - I'm depressed I guess.
My anxiety has hit me really hard, I feel like I can't breathe at all and every muscle in my neck/back hurt so bad I can tell you where every one is. I keep burping and I can't seem to stop yawning. It sucks.
On top of that, I haven't heard a DAMN THING from my gynecologist. She was supposedly referring me to some amaaazing specialist, but that was over a month ago and I still haven't heard anything. I asked her about it and she said I just had to be patient. Easy for her to say.
I just want someone who's older and wiser to take care of me. To come and give me a huge hug and explain how I'm going to get better, because right now I feel like things are so bad I may as well just not bother trying.
I wish my vagina worked, and I wish doctors listened to me.
I want to say more but I feel like there's no point because my words are falling on an empty audience. So why I'm trying to reach out I don't really know, because I feel like no one gives a damn about me. No one is helping me.
Sometimes nineteen year olds just need some help.
My laptop fell and shattered as well. I'm not trying to have a pity post but things just absolutely suck.
I need so many things to sort out and no matter how hard I attempt to pursue them, something or someone always seems to be holding me back.
Hey Natalie,
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry for your loss.
Do you see anyone for your anxiety and depression? I'm sorry everything seems to be going wrong. Hang in there. If nothing else, remember that people in the blog world are listening and we care.
Big Hugs,
Quinn
Natalie!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. That has got to be so hard. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry you're feeling so depressed right now. Just remember that it is totally understandable for you to feel the way you do. Your life is hard right now and you're so young. If you ever need an ear, we're here. If you ever want to chat online or even talk on the phone just drop me an email at madpeachblog at gmail. We're here for you!!!!!! Much love.
Thank you so much for your comments!
ReplyDeleteThey really made me feel better.
Things are just really sucky right now, but it's nice to know you're here!
Natalie - I don't know you but I want to tell you that what you wrote in this post really hit home with me. I know exactly how you feel and your frustration with doctors that do not listen and seem not to care at all. I want you to know that you're not alone and that even though I can't really help you with your "down there" problem, I can at least give you some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I went to several doctors who told me that my pain was all in my head and one doctor who told me that I should just take some Advil before sex and then everything would be pain free (really? that was the doctor's advice?). I went through about 7 doctors before finally finding one that listens and responds quickly to my needs. The fact that your doctor has made you wait a month for information is totally unacceptable. I think that you should look into finding another doctor. You need to find one that takes your pain seriously. If anyone knows how hard it is to deal with this crap, it's me, but you have to be your own advocate. I have recently started my own blog about my vaginal pain problems: http://downtherevaginalpain.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me putting the link in this comment. Maybe it can give you some good tips (I have a lot of them on burning) or at least give you someone to commiserate with.
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